Essential Question Response: Solo!

What will make me happy?

First of all-- I had to put this in here-- one thing in the recent past has made me very, very happy. My class has, at last, finished 'The Woman Warrior', and while there is still a final paper to be written, I nonetheless greatly enjoyed the feeling of slamming that [expletive deleted] book shut.

Now on to the real post.

At 4:30 on April 27th, a bit more than a week from now, I will be sitting in an auditorium, preparing for my first band performance of 2007. Normally this would be a happy-- maybe a bit stressful-- occasion, but fun. Nothing to worry too much about-- after all, if you know the music, what could go wrong? Sadly, if you are first chair and have a solo, the answer is 'everything.'

Don't get me wrong-- I absolutely love band, love playing French Horn, and was thrilled to find that my favorite song of the concert (Into the Raging River by Steven Reineke) contained two solos for me to play. But as the performance approaches, I am getting more than a bit nervous. While I can play the music, and normally don't get nervous attacks at concerts, solo is obviously very different. Playing forte while everyone else is playing piano (or not playing at all) is fine. But doing so in front of a large crowd of people-- some of whom are judges-- is not.

I am not a stranger to panic attacks--I've had them during auditions, before performances, when a Certain Someone is in the vicinity-- and they are not pleasant. All I can say is that sweaty hands and a high heart rate are not going to help my musicality.

But now to cut off the rant of stress and panic. I am doing my best to view these solos as an opportunity. I have a chance to perform and show my love of music to people outside of my school, a chance for me, and me alone, to convey that love of music to everyone listening. If I focus on that, instead of imagining bloodthirsty judges with pencils poised to record every mistake (too late!), I know that I'll be able to overcome the panic and play for the reason I am in band: because I love music. And music makes me very, very happy. And by thinking of that, by getting lost in the music instead of the stage-lights, I can play well. Which will also make me very happy.

Essential Question Response: After College

Because Essential Questions are made for the purpose of figuring out who we are, they-- like us-- can change at any time. So I decided to temporarily change my second essential question to 'What is in my future?' That is the question I am responding to now.


Although I'm a Freshman, I often think about college, and what comes after. I don't know what college I want to go to (although I do want to go out-of-state), but I think I know what I want to do afterwards. I really love my school, and I want to come back and teach here after college. I'd love to teach a history or English course, and I'd love to be involved in the school's band even if my marching days are over. This school is one of my favorite places in the world, and coming back here would be like coming home. I'm someone who places great value in opportunity. I love going to a big school because of the countless things you can do, classes you can take, and people you can meet. Teaching here could open up even more oppurtunity than being a student.

Of course I will probably change my mind-- it's too long a time with too much happening for me to think that I'll be the same after I graduate as I am now. And even if I don't change my mind about teaching, I may want to work at a college (as my friend Herena said, "No! Don't be a teacher! Be a professor! Teachers are mortals.").

But I do know that after graduating I would like to come back to my home state and live there-- where the weather is nice like the people-- and I'll be home: close to family, and if I still want to, able to teach at my high school.